June 10, 2011

My Sister is Funny and Types Really Fast

This is the e-mail I got from my sister at about 3 pm N.S. time today. The subject line read:

:why I drink.

1) I come home from a half-day (of teaching) and clean the remaining part of the day (bathroom, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, kitchen… you know the drill) only to be sighed at heavily for being so loud cleaning (sorry… me so sorry…. Me try to be quiet for massuh next time)

2) Hannah bawled me out while on the phone at school – as in the Junior High office phone --with the secretary and all the teachers/principals I know around her. She cussed ME out because I dared to bug her at lunch to try to find my Minnie Mouse travel mug (which she did!!! Yay!!!) and make sure it gets brought home TODAY (that thing is me precious)

3) Hannah proceeded to stomp in the door after school, with friend in tow (sleepover here tonight), to then continue to bawl me out, lecture me, etc. Let’s just say my eyes were shooting darts at her and I used my “not nice” voice to get her to stop.

4) Matt keeps saying “I GOT it MOM” when I’m asking him if he’s using the cooked chicken for his take to work dinner (he’s leaving shortly). I don’t give a flying shit if he “has it”, I just want to know either way because I’ll put it in the freezer for another time if he’s not using it i.e. I don’t want to have more than TEN DOLLARS worth of chicken go bad and it’s due to be frozen or used.

5) 'S' shooed me out of his office saying he was too busy to hear me vent, but meanwhile I heard him then skype his business partner and start shooting the shit with him.

6) I drank last night. Obv. Probably 3 glasses of red wine and a rum and juice cocktail. It was nummy. I didn’t feel like crap after (it was spread out over many many hours). However, I did think today that maybe I should try to not have something tonight. WTF? What was I thinking??

7) Dinner? You’re asking meeee? I was going to laze out a dinner of something frozen and processed like chicken wings because Matt’s going to be at work, but now Julia is over with Hannah. Can I still ‘make’ said lazy dinner? Is that kosher?

8) It’s sunny and I’m on our deck looking at potted pansies sipping a DAMN WATER! One of these things is not like the other.

So these are all the reasons why I drink.

Oh, and of course because I am a loud and proud FAULKNER.

I then got this e-mail about 2 hours later:

Two gin and tonics later….

I’m filling my shopping basket on Garden Grocer RIGHT NOW! That’s right – it’s time to get those breakfasts and snacks figured out!

Seeing as though it’s EIGHT nights this time (how awesome were we to add that extra night?) it is NOT going to be a problem filling an order larger enough to get free delivery, eh what?

I know there are so many hidden jokes in there, but what really makes me laugh is that it probably took her all of 1 minute to type the first e-mail and I know that once she sent it off she felt better and therefore could pour herself a drink.

Cheers to my sister!! She can always make me laugh, even at my own expense.

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